physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
