Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
