The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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