im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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