I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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