My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
