If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
