Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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