Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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