even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
