I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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