her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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