my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
