you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
