Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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