i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
