The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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