What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize