May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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