I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
