Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
