I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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