I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
