dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
