Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
