Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
