i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
