i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
