this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
