I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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