What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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