Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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