I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
