dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
