i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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