I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
