Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
