I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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