he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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