I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
