and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
