i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
