I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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