Already got asked if we're dating
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
