12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
