Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
