plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
