i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found puke in my bra..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
