I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
