You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
