he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
