I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
