Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
