I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
