I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize