New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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