the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
