he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
