The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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