The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
