Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
