Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
