he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
