I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am naked and annoyed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
