dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
